Adventures of a Sassy Spaceship

[Sevitri]

Hello. This is my first attempt at a Let's Play/AAR. I've always wanted to do something like this. I'm writing this based on a theory posited on TV Tropes, that the player assumes the role of a shipboard AI who has had to assume responsibilities of command, and the necessity of a living helmsman acts as a failsafe to ensure the ship doesn't go on a killing spree across the galaxy. Any feedback is appreciated.
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Kestrel-A Class Cruiser startup initialized...

"Valencia" Shipboard AI initialized...

Another day, another tour. More military enthusiasts traipsing through my corridors, gawking at the ships of old. I prepare my synthesized voice to be pumped out of the comms. I've opted for human female this week, after they told me to stop using the Mantis voice. Gave too many veterans unpleasant flashbacks or somesuch. Humans are so quaint... "Hello, and welcome to the Federation starship Valencia!"

I hear a human female voice within me. "Stephens! Shut that recording off, we need to get underway!"

That's different. "I am not a recording," I state sternly, "I am the shipboard AI of the Valencia. Identify yourself."

Sensor suite...operational...

My sensors come to life and I am no longer blind. On my inside, I see a pair of human males in the cockpit, one in the seat, the other standing by the door, and a female in the compartment behind it. External sensors read... "This is not the museum. This is a Federation hangar."

http://cloud-2.steampowered.com/ugc/109 ... 8A80B6EEB/

The human female clears her throat. "This is Lt. Commander Amanda Madrox, Federation Navy. I am taking control of this ship, for the purpose of delivering sensitive information to Federation High Command."

Humans are so cute when they think they have power. It makes it all the more fun when they realize that they have none. "Er, no. As per Federation Regulation 224, Article 17, Section 4, 'A Federation artificial intelligence may, in time of war, assume the role of acting captain if no officer of rank equivalent to or superseding that of Commander is in suitable condition to preform the duties of their station.' As a Lt. Commander is attempting to take command of a decommissioned ship, that leaves me with one conclusion; The Federation is at war with a force of greater strength, and I'm less likely to be noticed and less vital to the war effort than a modern warship. Is that about the whole of it?" I neglect to mention the mission briefing that was just downloaded into my computers a moment ago, which I've thoroughly read through in the time it took for me to quote that regulation.

Madrox takes a few second to process this, then sighs. "All well within regulation," she says with a hint of resentment, "Your orders?"

Well, at least she's by the book. "Lt. Commander, take up the weapons station, it's the room directly aft of the central airlocks. Lieutenant Eden, shield controls. Ensign Stephens, remain as you are on the helm."

The young ensign looks confused. "How did you..." he starts.

"A good captain needs to know about her crew, Ensign, and when your captain can access Federation databases and read personnel files in a second, she learns very quickly." I pause, as I begin to truly understand what I've just said. "Captain Valencia...Has a nice ring to it."

Shield array...operational...

A bubble of energy surrounds me. Eden has found his post well enough. I suppose that means any moment now...

Weapons systems...online...

I had forgotten how it felt to have guns. They've given me a missile launcher and a rapid fire laser cannon. I give them an experimental swivel.

FTL engine...locked...

Ah, that blasted failsafe. Got to make sure I don't vent the crew into space once I enter Command Mode. For the best I suppose, though if they all die I'll be stranded in space for a very long time. I can feel all my systems come online, one by one. As the final systems come online, I begin to remember the feeling of the void against my hull, the vastness of space surrounding me. "Station, this is Valencia, requesting permission to disembark, over." They seem confused, so I send over the ships log, namely the bit about me assuming command, and they disengage the docking clamps. Stephens maneuvers me out on thrusters, surprisingly smoothly considering the ships he'd been trained to fly. Once we're out of range of the station, I select a nav beacon and Stephens plots a course. And for the first time in years, I jump.

[Sevitri]

We jump in to the first system of our mission, and right away I can tell this will be a distressingly interesting journey. Not far from the beacon is a pair of ships, one being pursued by the other. The chasing ship bears upon it the universal symbol of piracy, some kind of octopus thing with one eye cut out over crossbones. I never really understood why pirates got together and decided they needed a uniform, it seems kind of counterproductive to the idea of a deceptive bunch of thieves and murderers. Sure, if a fellow pirate jumps into the system, they'll know not to shoot each other, but if a trader jumps in, they know to leg it as fast as their engines can carry them, and if a military ship arrives, they may as well paint on their hull 'I AM BAD GUY PLEASE SHOOT ME'.

The captain of the pirate ship hails us. "If you stay out of this fight, we'll make it worth your while." He promptly cuts off the comm, and a moment later I receive a text-only message offering a meager amount of fuel and scrap metal.

http://cloud.steampowered.com/ugc/10991 ... 6B3E2EAFF/

I very briefly consult my crew. Madrox is of the opinion that the Federation should do all in its power to defend the weak. Stephens is of the opinion of letting them be and completing the mission we are assigned. Eden and I are in agreement that, if the pirates didn't want to get blown up, they would have made a serious offer. I have Madrox prepare our diplomatic response.

http://cloud-2.steampowered.com/ugc/109 ... 74C5119F0/

Turns out the pirates had more scrap than they were letting on, but they were hiding it in the hull of their ship. We scrap the remains of the vessel and hail the ship that was being fired upon. It claims to be a weapons merchant who sells to the rebels. There isn't anything particularly interesting on offer, however, all fairly low grade. I trade a bit of the pirates' ship for a couple of missiles and jump to the next sector, hoping to avoid an encounter with the rebels that may leave my hull a bit banged up.

http://cloud.steampowered.com/ugc/10991 ... 081337B19/

...Oh.

[Mister Sammy]

I require more!

[Sparksol]

I do hope that wasn't the end of the Valencia as it was quite a nice premise so far.